Monday, December 6, 2010

Michigan Boot Fashion: the Good, the Bad, and the Uggly

Snow has arrived in Michigan, and with it comes winter boots. We Michiganders seem to have the mitten part down, but we’re sorely lacking when it comes to the footwear fashion. Being stylish in the snow isn’t difficult; it just takes a little effort, some individualism, and a dose of leather care. Let’s start with the ladies:

If there’s one thing that irks me about my marriage it’s that my wife owns a pair of Uggs. These boots look like dirty lunch bags stuffed with wet hamster chips, and they transform the female form and strut into something akin to that of a drunk circus clown walking on the moon. Spend time on a college campus in Michigan and you’ll be terrified to find that nearly every female on campus is decked out in Uggs, and worse, they match the boots with black tights. Skinny undergraduate legs exaggerate the size of the boot until Ann Arbor in January is like a ballerina-hippie-Eskimo nightmare.

Just Don't

Ladies, Uggs make you look like you don’t shave your armpits, it’s disgusting. And don’t pretend like they’re comfortable; if you cared about comfort you’d be wearing actual hiking boots that stay on and have traction in deep snow, like these North Face Chilkat Boots (almost like my name, see). You’re dressing up for other girls; it’s fashion at it’s most idiotic level. For the city, high heels still work.

Women's High Heel Boots

Sure, snow limits fashion choices, but that’s no need to embarrass yourself with Uggs. Instead, go with a more form-fitting boot, with a knee-high, or even cowboy boots if the ground is dry. All will get you through the snow, and you won’t look like you smell of fish.

Women's Cowboy Boots

Way Better than Uggs

Fortunately for the men, we have it a bit easier. A pair of Red Wing Irish Setters will get you through any situation, whether you’re shoveling, sledding, hunting, or out for a night on the town - perhaps the most versatile footwear known to man. If you’re working or sledding, tuck your pant legs into the boot. For more formal occasions, pair with jeans or khakis and wear the pant leg over the boot.

Stomp Stuff

For an added touch, I suggest matching the Irish Setter with a Donegal cap, can’t beat this look.

Old Country

Cowboy boots are enough to keep your feet warm in the city, but they can be slick if the sidewalks are wet, and the elements do these boots no favors. My ostrich leg boots require even more attention.

Ostrich Men's Boots

I recommend these rubbers to protect during low snow, and they provide some traction. Ann Arbor gets relatively little snow, so I get away with cowboy boots with some leather treatment and covers. But for heavy snow days and trips north or west, back to the Red Wings.


Leather Treatment

Finally, a small endorsement for these ice gripping walkers. If an ice storm hits, or if you’re venturing onto a frozen lake, these will keep you upright and agile.


Always keep this advice in mind: Stay warm, stay dry, stay upright, look sharp. If I know one thing about fashion, it’s that I know nothing about fashion; I just know how I feel, and I feel like I’m going to puke when I see Uggs. Stop it, ladies, just stop it.


Tim Chilcote said...

Tom Brady is not wearing his Uggs at the moment. The Patriots are off to a good start. Coincidence? No.

Anonymous said...

just saying.. i love the way my legs look uper skinny when i'm wearing uggs (ok... off brand for me) BUT it's good to know that the guys (or at least you) do not like them. thanks for sharing. BUT since it is not only about snow getting in your shoes.. but also that it is FREEEEEZING outside.. the high healed THIN boots (w/ no insulation) will not do tim. NO WAY! unless you're just going from your car to work. pretty much it. lOVED the post :)and MISS you guys!


Tim Chilcote said...

Thanks Tana. Smart wool socks, perhaps?

Nick Bell said...

Comparing Uggs to not shaving your armpits is appalling. While you not enjoy hairy armpits, it is the natural and healthy state of the human body. Further more, a great deal of the world embraces and even enjoys someone with a natural level of hair.

Uggs, on the other hand, are an affront to nature and should be burnt on sight.

Anonymous said...

I'm wearing high heeled black boots and they are KILLING my feet. And it's about impossible to walk on anything icy. Right now I'd gladly trade my stylin' boots with a pair of Uggs. Guys have it too easy.

Anonymous said...

haha :) wool socks on feet would NEVER fit into fashion boots... you have to wear thin socks in order for your feet to fit.. they're quite narrow. and i agree w/ black high heeled boots comment... no traction. i wore mine out to eat the other night and it started snowing after we got to the restaurant... about killed myself trying to get from the door to the vehicle... and matt drove right to the door! how is colby feelin about this post?? haha